1. A woman is suing the state of New York because her husband was fired from his state job, became despondent and lost all interest in sex. *** However, a few days later she found a handsome hunk ringing her doorbell, and was suddenly grateful that she had signed up for the little-known Obamacare Platinum Plan.
2. Federal investigators say that Tennessee law enforcement organizations illegally used seized criminal money to buy catered food. *** This was a clear violation of established guidelines--Tennessee is only allowed to use such funds for the purchase of bourbon.
3. Sir Richard Branson, the founder of Virgin Airlines, announced that he plans to ride out Hurricane Irma in his wine cellar. *** I think that’s a really cool idea, especially since he lives in London.
4. Five nurses at Denver’s Health Medical Center were suspended after they heard about the size of a deceased man’s private parts and opened the body bag to take a look. *** You know, it’s pretty impressive when a guy can make a “provocative bulge” on a body bag. (I realize the poor fellow was dead, but I still hope they were careful when they zipped it back up.)
5. Lego announced it will be terminating 1,400 employees. *** Unfortunately, the company received word that the government has rejected its design proposal for the Mexico border wall. (Too bad--not only would it have been extremely colorful, but the whole thing could have been built by 6 year olds.)
6. Tesla founder Elon Musk is predicting that competition for leadership in artificial intelligence will lead to World War III. *** He said that artificial intelligence will be essential for any country run by politicians.
7. On this date in history: Sep 8, 1920 – U.S. Air Mail begins, with service from New York to San Francisco. *** That early system wasn’t too efficient—they’d take mailmen with their bags loaded and put them on the plane.
8. On this date in history: Sep 7, 1981 – “People's Court,” with Judge Wapner, premieres on TV. *** Thanks to this unique show, people with trivial problems, pathetic excuses and a whining demeanor can also have the disgrace of losing their case in front of a million viewers.
9. On this date in history: Sep 6, 1628 – Puritans land at Salem, Massachusetts. *** Most of them arrived by ship, but apparently a few flew in on brooms.
10. On this date in history: Sep 5, 1882 – In New York City, 10,000 workers march in the first Labor Day parade. *** Thousands of police were on hand to arrest anyone violating the new fashion rule by still wearing summer white.