1. A 7-Eleven clerk in Ferndale, Michigan has been arrested
and charged with embezzlement. *** Acting on an anonymous tip, police raided her
home and found a veritable fortune in stolen Slurpees.
2. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is apparently a stickler
for proper punctuation and he had his staff send out two memos to State
Department employees instructing them on the correct use of commas. *** Here
we’ve been worried about the Russians, and it turns out that our own Secretary
of State is a gol-durned commanist.
3. Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin got their marriage license
in Los Angeles last week. *** Marriage license applications are bit
different in L.A. To expedite future
paperwork, couples also need to submit a preliminary list of all their
irreconcilable differences.
4. In the high winds of Hurricane Florence, a North Carolina
family that had to be rescued after refusing to evacuate explained, “We thought
we’d be safe in brick house.”
*** Folks, it’s never a good
idea to base your survival strategy on a story you read in a children’s book.
5. In New Mexico, authorities recently evacuated the Sunspot
Solar Observatory near Roswell, the site of a rumored 1947 space alien landing. ***
There was no explanation for the evacuation; a spokesman said you just
don’t question an order from the mothership.
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