1. The
Ronald Regan Presidential Library in Simi Valley was evacuated as the
California wildfires got dangerously close. ***
Authorities said they were concerned about the extreme flammability of
jelly beans.
2. Kanye
West says he is “working for God” and his “job is spreading the Gospel.” *** Ah,
a textbook example of how low unemployment results in a shortage of qualified
candidates.
3. Shigeru
Miyamoto, the creator of video games such as Donkey Kong, Mario Bros., and The
Legend of Zelda, will be given the “Person of Cultural Merit” award by the
Japanese Government. *** Historians say it is the first time the award
has been given to someone who has never been on a date and still lives in their
parents’ basement.
4. At 61
years old, Madonna is dating a 24 year old guy who is one of her back up
dancers. *** They’re called that because when Madonna
falls down, they help her get back up.
5. A
woman who was ejected from the Cannery casino in Las Vegas came back with her
Winnebago motor home and drove through the front entrance, intentionally
running over a custodian (who is now recovering). ***
Apparently she wanted to make a clean getaway.
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