1. North Korea has threatened “sledge hammer blows” against South Korea if they don’t apologize for organizing anti-North protests. *** Kim Jong Un added that in order to avoid complete annihilation the South must also click “Like” on his Facebook page.
2. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is a big fan of the Walt Disney characters and as young child he reportedly went to the Disneyland in Tokyo. *** Great. Let’s get him a big sign that says, “Must be THIS tall to start a nuclear war.”
3. The Senate defeated a bill that would have increased background checks for gun buyers. *** The senators said it’s a slippery slope; if you require more background checks for gun buyers, before you know it people will start demanding background checks for politicians.
4. American Airlines cancelled over 700 flights on Tuesday because of a computer outage. *** Afterwards, management once again warned employees that they cannot all play Angry Birds at the same time.
5. In a national park in South Africa, an elephant overturned a small car carrying two tourists. *** Then he bragged about it in a post on the social web site Trunkbook.
6. At a computer security conference in Amsterdam, a security expert demonstrated how he could develop an app to hijack an airplane. *** Big deal. Let me know when he comes up with an app that gets him free drinks in coach.
7. Carnival Cruise Lines says it plans to spend $300 million to upgrade its ships in the aftermath of problems such as overflowing toilets. *** The biggest improvement: Room deodorizers in every cabin.
8. The ex-wife of Mark Sanford accused the former South Carolina governor of trespassing on her property. *** She probably bought a house that was a bit too close to the Appalachian Trail.
9. Mark Zuckerburg says it’s OK to ignore your dinner guests while you check your smart phone. *** You know, like if you want to look up the word “etiquette.”
10. Florida is being invaded by giant snails.
*** They’re slow, they’re slimy and they have a really hard shell. Oh, wait a minute...that’s Congress.
*** Of course, they move very slowly. In fact, this invasion started in 1893.
*** They’re not very fast, but they are having a lot of fun chasing Florida retirees down the sidewalk.