· General Motors is recalling some Buick Encores because the steering wheel can fall off. *** Of course, that’s a huge problem because it makes it even harder to text and drive.
· Egyptian authorities arrested a popular comedian for criticizing their president and they warned the U.S. to not get involved in the issue. *** Apparently some NBC executives had suggested a prisoner exchange involving Jay Leno.
· Lindsay Lohan played an April Fool’s Day joke by tweeting that she was pregnant. *** This shocked a lot of her close friends, who immediately signed the kid up for therapy.
· The White House has announced that the President’s 2014 budget will finally be released on April 10th. Usually the next year’s budget is released in February. *** But, President Obama wanted to cross his fingers and wait for a couple more Powerball drawings.
· In an interview with George Stephanopoulos, Cardinal Timothy Dolan said the Catholic Church is sometimes out of touch with its followers. *** Actually, that’s a good thing. It’s the touching that usually gets the Church in trouble.
· Students taking out new loans will find interest rates doubling on July 1st. *** Actually, it won’t really have much affect on them. It just means that after graduation they’ll default on a larger amount.
· President Obama is taking a lot of heat for allowing Michelle and their two daughters to take a spring break vacation in the Bahamas during the budget crisis. *** That’s OK. I’m sure he’ll feel a lot better once he finds out they paid for the trip by appearing in a “Girls Gone Wild” video.
· Due to poor financial management many years ago, Dionne Warwick has filed for bankruptcy. *** Sadly, now she doesn’t even care where San Jose is because she can’t afford to go there.
· The White House has received a petition that would require members of Congress to follow the lead of NASCAR drivers and wear the logos of their financial backers. *** Actually, it would be a little different. In the case of NASCAR drivers, the people behind the logos are sponsors. In the case of Congressmen, they’re owners.
· Medical researchers have found that cold sores, like those caused by Chlamydia and herpes, can cause a loss of memory. *** I think we already knew that. Every time someone asks their partner where they picked up the cold sore, the answer always is, “I can’t remember.”