1. Hostess Twinkies are back in production, and the big news is that their shelf life has been increased to 45 days. *** Of course, that’s in the store. Once you get them home, the shelf life is about 45 seconds.
2. Eliot Spitzer is running for New York City Comptroller. He’s got an uphill battle since people remember that he was the New York State Attorney General who got caught using call girls. *** The fact is, he’ll probably never escape the stigma of having been a politician.
3. According to a study in Canada, nearly half of all babies develop a temporary flat spot on the back of their heads from sleeping on their backs. *** So, when they finally want to roll over, they can’t.
4. Bicycle racer Chris Froome has maintained his lead in the Tour de France and is still wearing the coveted yellow jersey. *** As you know, the yellow jersey identifies the rider with the best steroids.
5. In England, the Rolling Stones just played at Hyde Park for the first time in 44 years. *** This time, however, preparing for all the fans was a nightmare. Officials had to set up an extra-loud sound system, 5,000 porta-potties and over 10,000 handicapped parking spaces.
6. Egypt’s President Mohammed Morsi stepped down in response to huge mobs, shouting in the street and the sound of explosions. *** This has really made a lot of other world leaders very nervous. In fact, President Obama looked out his window, saw a Fourth of July celebration, and started packing his bags.
7. Because the power window switches on the Honda Fit can catch fire, Honda is recommending that owners of that model park their cars outside. *** And put a “For Sale” sign in the window.
8. Medical researchers in Denmark say that you are more likely to have post-surgery problems if you’re a heavy drinker. *** And it’s even worse if your surgeon was a heavy drinker.
9. A Vatican priest has been arrested for trying to sneak $26 million in cash on a flight from Switzerland to Italy. *** I think he was a little too obvious; he was carrying the money in little wicker baskets with long handles.
10. The U.S. Air Force reports that it found no evidence of wrongdoing by the defense contractor that employed Edward Snowden. *** However, investigators say they are still very suspicious of his pole-dancing girlfriend and will continue round-the-clock surveillance... (until their budget runs out of five-dollar bills).