1. In a plan to re-structure the mortgage markets, President Obama wants to do away with “Fannie Mae” and “Freddie Mac.” *** When Russia’s Vladimir Putin heard this, he immediately offered them asylum.
2. In an interview on “Meet the Press,” Senator Saxby Chambliss said that it made sense to shut down numerous U.S. embassies in the Middle East because of an increase in al Qaeda “chatter.” *** And if there’s anyone who’s an expert on chatter, it would be a senator.
3. According to a chromosome study in the journal “Science,” nearly every guy currently living can be traced back to one man who lived 135,000 years ago. *** So, even back then there was an NBA.
4. Critics have panned Jennifer Anniston’s latest movie, “We’re the Millers,” in which several odd individuals pretend to be a family. *** Or as we call it, “Hollywood.”
5. More than a dozen candidates are running to be the next mayor of Detroit, the largest U.S. city to declare bankruptcy. *** Here’s my question: Isn’t that like applying to be captain of the Titanic...after it hit the iceberg?
6. According to U.S. Census Bureau data on millennials—people who are now 18 to 31 years old—21.6 million of them are still living with their parents. *** And experts predict that as those aging parents start needing more personal care and financial support, the number of millennials living at home will be approximately zero.
7. Anthony Ferrante, the director of “Sharknado,” has already started talking about a sequel. *** He says the next film will be even scarier: It takes place in New Jersey, and after the state is devastated by the airborne sharks, federal aid is blocked by a Rand Paul filibuster.
8. In an interview on Univision, Anthony Weiner said he used the online name “Carlos Danger” as a joke. *** Yeah, if he was serious he would have picked something more appropriate, like “Carlos Idiot.”
9. Edward Snowden was granted asylum by the Russian government. *** And now Alex Rodriguez is checking to see if Russia has a baseball league.
10. A high ranking priest in Boston was arrested for soliciting a prostitute at a cemetery. *** That’s whore-ible