1. At a Spanish festival this week a huge bull named “Vulcano” gored a photographer. *** See, even bulls hate the paparazzi.
2. According to former NSA and CIA director Michael Hayden, Google’s Gmail has become the preferred method of communication for terrorists around the world. *** In fact, now when you access Gmail a computerized voice says, “You’ve got threats.”
3. A Dutch company has come out with an “ethical smart phone.” The metal content is sourced from conflict-free mines, the factory workers are paid a living wage, and a portion of each sale is contributed to an organization for cell phone recycling. *** But don’t worry--you can still use the phone to lobby against raising the minimum wage, order products made with child labor, and check on your investments in Iran. (And then toss the phone into a lake when you get a new one.)
4. According to a recent poll, on the average, Americans believe the perfect age is 50, but it differs by region. It’s 47 in the West, 50 in the Midwest, 51 in the South, and 53 in the East. *** So, that’s good news: You can be the ideal age for 7 straight years—you just have to move around a lot.
5. The world’s smallest horse, which is about two feet tall, was stolen from a horse show in Italy. Police trying to find the valuable animal are searching high and low. *** Well, low anyway.
6. Eight days after her wedding, a woman in Glacier National Park had second thoughts about her marriage and pushed her husband off a cliff. *** I didn’t catch her last name, but I’m guessing “Kardashian.”
7. Al Qaeda leader Aymen al-Zawahri is urging numerous small-scale attacks in the United States in order to destroy the American economy. *** Well, I’ve got a message for Al Qaeda: Hey guys, we can do that just fine by ourselves, OK? (We don’t need any help!)
8. Krispy Kreme plans to supplement its wholesale business by selling more freshly baked donuts directly out of its own retail stores. *** In fact, they say the donuts will be so fresh that they’re guaranteed to make it to your waist and hips while they’re still warm.
9. Russian officials are warning of a catastrophe if North Korea restarts an old plutonium reactor. *** They said if the North Koreans go ahead with their plan Vladimir Putin will immediately launch a devastating op-ed piece in the New York Times.
10. According to the Hurun Wealth Report, during the past year the number of billionaires in China has increased from 251 to 315. *** Great! Now we can borrow even more money!