1.
The man who messed up
the sign language for the deaf during President Obama’s speech at Nelson
Mandela’s memorial claims he was having a schizophrenic episode. *** Here’s
my question: Why do they even need someone signing when Obama is speaking? I mean, just aim the camera at the teleprompter.
2.
Earlier this week the
Hilton hotel company went public with an IPO (Initial Public Offering). ***
Now, don’t get that confused with Paris Hilton, who went public a long time
ago…with a video.
3.
The FAA has banned Angelina
Jolie from piloting her own private plane because she missed the annual
registration deadline. *** However, the FAA was unable to explain why Miss
Jolie is the only pilot in the country who is required to actually come in, register
in person and get a security patdown.
4.
Billy Joel, Carlos
Santana, Martina Arroyo, Herbie Hancock and Shirley MacLaine all received the Kennedy
Center Honors this past weekend. Interestingly,
all the recipients began singing, dancing or playing music when they were young
children. ***
Except for Shirley MacLaine, who actually began performing as an adult…in
a previous life.
5.
The Von Trapp family
is unhappy that Carrie Underwood was cast in the role of Maria for the “Sound
of Music Live” special on NBC because she didn’t have much acting experience. ***
Actually, Underwood was a compromise selection. The Von Trapps wanted Anne Hathaway; NBC
wanted Miley Cyrus.
6.
The NFL has announced
that Miami Dolphins player Richie Incognito will continue to be suspended with
pay until the NFL finishes investigating his alleged bullying and harassment of
teammate Jonathan Martin. Incognito
says he was just trying to motivate the guy.
*** Actually, motivation through
verbal abuse is really catching on. In
fact, one of this year’s most popular Christmas gifts is the new CD of trash
talk by Tony Robbins.
7.
To commemorate 2014
as the Chinese year of the Horse, the U.S. Treasury Department is selling
88,888 one-dollar bills in a special red “hong bao” envelope. ***
Now, that’s a really cheesy way to repay our $16 trillion debt: We only send them $88,000 a year and charge
‘em for the envelopes.
8.
Olive Garden has
added a special hamburger to their menu. To make it more Italian, they’ve added
mozzarella, prosciutto, arugula, pesto, tomatoes and aioli spread. ***
Hey, I’ve got news for Olive Garden:
IT’S STILL A HAMBURGER! IT’S NOT
ITALIAN!
9.
The trial has begun
for a woman accused of pushing her husband off a cliff in Glacier National Park
just eight days after their wedding.
Observers say that numerous experts will be called to the stand. ***
They’ll be asked to testify on whether or not she needs to return all
the wedding presents.
10. Elderly veterans gathering in Pearl Harbor to commemorate
the 1941 attack were disgusted that the U.S. military did not do its annual
“missing man” flyover because of budget cuts.
*** In fact, they were so furious
they contributed their own money and hired a Japanese plane to fly overhead and
drop another bomb.
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