1.
Pamela Anderson had
died her hair brunette. *** Well, that comes as a shock to all of us “Baywatch”
fans who remember so many drowning swimmers pushing David Hasselhoff away and
yelling, “Send the blonde! Send the
blonde!”
2.
Pope Francis has
revealed that before he joined the priesthood he worked as a bouncer in a
Buenos Aries night club. *** But he got fired; instead of just kicking out the troublemakers
he tried to get them excommunicated.
3.
It’s tough to figure
out how the economy is doing these days.
*** When the number of applications
for unemployment benefits drops, I don’t know if it’s due to an improving economy
or another government website not working.
4.
On a new U.S. postage
stamp the image of the Statue of Liberty was erroneously modeled after the
Statue of Liberty replica in Las Vegas.
*** Well, that would explain why
Miss Liberty is topless.
5.
In a 1972 survey, 2/3
of Americans said that most people could be trusted, but in this year’s repeat
of the survey only 1/3 felt that way.
*** In fact, this year nobody
trusted the people taking the survey.
6.
A top Chinese filmmaker
has publicly apologized for having three children, which is in violation of
China’s “one-child” policy. *** However, that policy does include an “NBA
waiver” which says it’s OK for basketball players to have as many kids as they
want, as long as each one is with a different woman.
7.
Russian officials ordered
the dismantling of a huge, 100-foot by 30-foot Louis Vuitton suitcase being
displayed In Moscow’s Red Square. *** I believe it was the actual suitcase used by
Edward Snowden to carry secret documents out of the United States.
8.
In Pakistan, General
Raheel Sharif has been appointed Chief of the Army. ***
The primary requirement for the position is the ability to denounce
American drone strikes while demanding more American aid, and do both those
things while keeping a straight face.
9.
In Minnesota a man
was arrested after throwing $1,000 in one-dollar bills from a balcony at the
Mall of America. *** It
was just Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke trying one more way to jump
start the economy.
10. In Pakistan, a senior official in the Haqqani branch of
the Taliban was killed by an American drone strike. ***
Or as the locals call it, the Taliban retirement program.
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