1. Andy Worhol’s painting of Elvis Presley, “Triple Elvis,” has just sold at auction for $81.9 million. *** It’s extremely rare—it’s the only Elvis painting in the world that was not done on black velvet.
2. A tiger has been spotted on the loose near Disneyland Paris. *** In an effort to protect tourists in the area, police have issued a warning to be on the lookout for predatory ticket prices.
3. Seattle Seahawk fans were outraged to learn that the stadium beer had been watered down. *** They became suspicious when they woke up Monday morning and actually remembered the game.
4. Starbucks has come out with its first new holiday drink of the season, a chestnut-flavored latte. *** It’s not easy to make. They have to roast it on an open fire.
5. Nigeria’s ambassador to the U.S. is complaining that we won’t sell weapons to his country. *** He said he sent a polite e-mail to the Pentagon with a list of the requested ordnance and a promise to pay later with a shipment of gold bars.
6. A 17 year old boy saved a Philadelphia policeman’s life by pulling him from his cruiser which had burst into flames after an accident. *** Then the kid had to restrain the cop from trying to go back for the donuts.
7. A study by a Pennsylvania engineering firm shows that germs from a sneeze in an aircraft can travel up to 50 feet. *** That’s in coach. First-class passengers, of course, don’t have any germs.
8. In Egypt, a bus driver used a clean urine sample from his wife for his drug screen, but he was fired when it tested positive for pregnancy. *** That’s too bad; here in the U.S. he would have kept his job and gotten maternity leave.
9. The Walter White action figure with a gun and a bag of meth has been pulled by Toys R Us, but it’s available on e-Bay for inflated prices. *** Now it’s cheaper to just get a Ken doll and corrupt him.
10. McDonald’s has not yet launched its new Facebook-based advertising slogan, “Lovin’ Beats Hatin’.” *** The haters are demanding a recount.