1. The Rolling Stones have asked Donald Trump to stop using their songs in his campaign. *** The aging Stones warned Mr. Trump that although they might not remember all their songs, they’ll know them when they hear them.
2. The FBI has arrested a Michigan man for sprinkling a mixture of hand soap and rat poison on fruit and vegetables at several grocery stores in Ann Arbor. *** It could have been worse; he could have sprinkled them with water from Flint.
3. In Philadelphia, police arrested a man dressed as Jesus who refused to leave an Apple store. *** Apple management was furious and said if someone wants to play God they should dress up as Steve Jobs.
4. There has been strong criticism in response to a photo of Justin Bieber posing next to a tiger that was restrained by a thick chain. *** In the interest of public safety, most people feel Mr. Bieber should be the one on a leash.
5. A woman is suing Starbucks for $5 million because a 24-ounce iced drink has only 14 ounces of the actual drink and the remainder is ice. *** In a customer-friendly gesture, Starbucks told the woman she can now get 24 ounces of the drink in the cup and hold out her hand for the ice.
6. On this date in history: May 6, 1957 – The Pulitzer Prize is awarded to John F. Kennedy for “Profiles in Courage.” *** Surprisingly, he did not get similar accolades for his sequel, “Profiles in Philandering.”
7. On this date in history: May 5, 1816 – The American Bible Society is organized in New York. *** It’s like a Book of the Month Club, except that every month it’s the same book.
8. On this date in history: May 4, 1626 – The Indians sell Manhattan Island for only $24 in cloth & buttons. *** And that was before deducting the three button realtor fee.
9. On this date in history: May 3, 1991 – The final episode of Dallas is aired. *** Everyone was amazed that in 356 episodes JR only got shot once.
10. On this date in history: May 2, 1988 – Cincinnati Reds manager Pete Rose is suspended for 30 days for pushing an umpire. *** Actually, he was suspended for placing a bet on whether or not the ump would push back.