1. TV doctor Drew Pinsky (“Dr. Drew”) says he reviewed Hillary Clinton’s medical records and was shocked to see that she is getting treatments “from the 1950’s.” *** She must be on the Bronze Plan.
2. A study by WalletHub.com has concluded that Michigan is the state with the most bullying. *** The study found that it’s because Michigan has the most wusses, nerds and geeks, and they all need to be taught a lesson.
3. In Williamstown, Kentucky, a recreation of Noah’s ark opened for public preview, but critics say it inaccurately includes dinosaurs onboard. *** They’re also a bit skeptical about the shuffleboard courts.
4. In Fairview Heights, Illinois, a 2 year old boy left in a running car managed to put it in gear and drive until hitting a police car. *** The cops said they were amazed; it was the first time they had seen a child driving without texting.
5. Over 450,000 condoms are being distributed to athletes at the Rio Olympics. *** However, many countries are refusing them in hopes of winning a ton of medals 20 years from now.
6. On this date in history: Aug 19, 1934 – A plebiscite in Germany gives sole executive power to Adolph Hitler. *** Apparently, Germans responded favorably to his campaign slogan, “Hey, what could possibly go wrong?”
7. On this date in history: Aug 18, 1962 – Peter, Paul & Mary release their 1st hit "If I Had a Hammer." *** The United Brotherhood of Carpenters immediately threatened violence unless they get a union card.
8. On this date in history: Aug 17, 1948 – The Philadelphia Phillies commit 8 errors in one game. *** Apparently their first error was coming to the ballpark.