News for Week Ending Friday, Jan 6, 2017

1.   In Gila Bend, Arizona, a naked woman stole a police car and hit 100 mph during a 75 mile chase.  ***  Gee, the last time we saw something like that was when a Kardashian was late for an MTV Awards party.

2.   Because of leadership conflicts, three separate motorcycle gatherings are being planned for the presidential inauguration, even though the sincere, politically-motivated bikers all share the same conservative philosophy, support of Mr. Trump’s agenda  ***  and the fantasy of Melania riding naked on the back of their Harleys.

3.   Robert Hulseman, inventor of the red Solo cup, has died at the age of 84.   ***   Sadly, he passed away without achieving his dream of getting beer pong into the Olympics.

4.   In Detroit, “Milwaukee Avenue” was recently renamed “Stevie Wonder Avenue.”  ***  It was also designated as an official testing site for self-driving cars.

5.   The Radio City Rockettes and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will be performing at the presidential inauguration.  ***   It will be a bit challenging—they’re still trying to synchronize high kicks with the “Hallelujah Chorus.”

6.   On this date in history:  Jan 6, 1914 – The brokerage firm Merrill-Lynch is founded.  ***  You know, it’s really hard to imagine that era – Stockbrokers without BMW’s.

7.   On this date in history:  Jan 5, 1896 – Wilhelm Roentgen's discovery of X-Rays is first reported by the Austrian newspaper "Wiener Presse."  ***  Upon hearing the news, people around the world were astounded that anyone would name a newspaper “Wiener Presse.”

8.   On this date in history:  Jan 4, 1968 – Leo Fender sells Fender Guitars for $13 million.  ***  He then took the proceeds down to the local bar and went on a real Fender bender.

9.   On this date in history:  Jan 3, 1888 – The first wax drinking straw is patented by Marvin C. Stone in Washington, D.C.   ***  Appropriately, it was invented in the town where people are most likely to suck up.

10.  On this date in history:  Jan 2, 1570 – In Russia, Ivan the Terrible begins his march to Novgorod.   ***   Actually, that was in his younger years, when he was just Ivan the Naughty.