1. The Playboy Club in New York City is re-opening after a 30 year hiatus. *** The bad news: Thanks to ironclad employment contracts, all the former Bunnies get their jobs back.
2. Although most of Los Angeles voted for Hillary Clinton, the precinct with the Church of Scientology voted for Donald Trump. *** Mr. Trump said he was grateful for the support of the Scientologists, but he still doesn’t buy their theories on global warming.
3. A postal worker in Allen Park, Michigan has been accused of stealing lingerie out of several packages and may face up to five years in prison. *** However, his lawyer expects that he’ll be acquitted because the evidence is quite skimpy.
4. A California man has created a new dating website, TrumpSingles.com, for people who support Donald Trump. *** The process starts with members going online and creating alternative profiles.
5. According to a recent survey by Wells Fargo, failure to save more money is regretted by 74% of retirees. *** And 100% of their heirs.
6. On this date in history: Jan 27, 1593 – The Vatican opens a seven year heresy trial against scholar Giordano Bruno; he is ultimately found guilty and burned at the stake. *** That was quite a shock, since his lawyer had promised a maximum sentence of ten Our Fathers and ten Hail Mary’s.
7. On this date in history: Jan 26, 1961 – Elvis Presley reaches #1 on the charts with "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" *** I believe it was a pitch for his new business, Elvis Presley Escorts.
8. On this date in history: Jan 25, 1993 – Sears announces it is discontinuing its catalog. *** Outhouse owners across the country reluctantly start buying toilet paper.
9. On this date in history: Jan 24, 1972 – Japanese Sgt. Shoichi Yokoi is found in a Guam jungle, where he had been hiding out since the end of World War II, 28 years earlier. *** He attributed his long term perseverance to loyalty, discipline and some very attractive Japanese comfort women.
10. On this date in history: Jan 23, 971 – Song Dynasty troops use crossbows to defeat the Chinese army’s first deployment of the elephant corps. *** I’ll bet the elephants were starting to think that maybe circus life ain’t so bad.