1. A man in Lakeland, Florida says he tried to make a $7 billion fraudulent bank transfer because Jesus wanted him to be wealthy. *** No, Jesus just wanted him to be stupid.
2. A study by Exodus Travel says that Americans get their second wind at age 56. *** Unfortunately, for most of us it’s a headwind.
3. Leah Remini claims that the Church of Scientology has designated John Travolta as a Khakhan, which gives him great power, and he can even get away with murder. *** However, there are limits. One thing the Church will not tolerate from him is any attempt to bring back disco.
4. Kim Kardashian has announced that she’s starting a book club. *** Members don’t have to actually read each book--they just need to be holding it when they take a selfie.
5. While arguing about consummating their marriage, a 76 year old man In Lehigh Acres, Florida shot his new bride in the butt. *** Experts say it’s the first time that Viagra lasted longer than the marriage.
6. On this date in history: Feb 10, 1933 – Hitler proclaims the end of Marxism. *** Groucho and Harpo were furious.
7. On this date in history: Feb 9, 1987 – The New York Stock Exchange installs a ladies restroom in the Exchange Luncheon Club. *** That’s important, because when the market tanks, men aren’t the only ones who need a place to throw up.
8. On this date in history: Feb 8, 1898 – John Sherman patents the first automatic envelope folding & gumming machine. *** He was subsequently honored as “Man of the Year” by the American Junk Mail Association.
9. On this date in history: Feb 7, 1889 – Astronomical Society of the Pacific holds its first meeting in San Francisco *** It had nothing to do with star gazing; it’s just that the dues were astronomical.
10. On this date in history: Feb 6, 1996 – Heidi Fleiss, the “Hollywood Madam,” begins a seven year sentence for running a prostitution ring for celebrities. *** It’s hard to avoid jail time when your only character witness is Charlie Sheen.