Friday, February 10, 2017

News for Week Ending Friday, Feb 10, 2017

1.  A man in Lakeland, Florida says he tried to make a $7 billion fraudulent bank transfer because Jesus wanted him to be wealthy.  ***   No, Jesus just wanted him to be stupid.

2.   A study by Exodus Travel says that Americans get their second wind at age 56.  *** Unfortunately, for most of us it’s a headwind.

3.   Leah Remini claims that the Church of Scientology has designated John Travolta as a Khakhan, which gives him great power, and he can even get away with murder.  ***   However, there are limits. One thing the Church will not tolerate from him is any attempt to bring back disco.

4.   Kim Kardashian has announced that she’s starting a book club.  ***   Members don’t have to actually read each book--they just need to be holding it when they take a selfie.

5.   While arguing about consummating their marriage, a 76 year old man In Lehigh Acres, Florida shot his new bride in the butt.   ***   Experts say it’s the first time that Viagra lasted longer than the marriage.

6.   On this date in history:  Feb 10, 1933Hitler proclaims the end of Marxism.  ***  Groucho and Harpo were furious.

7.   On this date in history:  Feb 9, 1987 – The New York Stock Exchange installs a ladies restroom in the Exchange Luncheon Club.  ***  That’s important, because when the market tanks, men aren’t the only ones who need a place to throw up.

8.   On this date in history:  Feb 8, 1898John Sherman patents the first automatic envelope folding & gumming machine.   ***   He was subsequently honored as “Man of the Year” by the American Junk Mail Association.

9.   On this date in history:  Feb 7, 1889Astronomical Society of the Pacific holds its first meeting in San Francisco ***  It had nothing to do with star gazing;  it’s just that the dues were astronomical.

10. On this date in history:  Feb 6, 1996Heidi Fleiss, the “Hollywood Madam,” begins a seven year sentence for running a prostitution ring for celebrities.   ***   It’s hard to avoid jail time when your only character witness is Charlie Sheen.

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