News for Week Ending Friday, May 26, 2017

1.   Utility crews in Palm Springs, Florida are examining a 4-foot wide sink hole that suddenly appeared in front of Mar-a-Lago.   ***   Apparently God just wanted to start with a little test spot.

2.   Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell, the couple from the 2015 season of “The Bachelor,” announced that they’re breaking up.  ***  After living together for a year, they finally realized they’re only compatible if they pause every 15 minutes for a commercial.

3.   At the Newark airport, a reported engine fire on a United Airlines flight preparing for take-off had passengers scrambling for the exits and jumping down the emergency slides.  ***   Well, it looks like United finally found a quick and easy way to deplane its overbooked passengers.

4.   Nicki Minaj surprised the Ellen DeGeneres audience by announcing that she plans to remain celibate for the next year.  ***   Or possibly a little less, depending on how soon the rash clears up.

5.   In an interview on CBS, Tom Brady’s wife, Gisele, said that last season the quarterback suffered a concussion.  ***  Patriots fans were stunned—at first they all thought she said “confession.”

6.   On this date in history:  May 26, 1930 – The Supreme Court rules that buying liquor is not in violation the Constitution.  ***  But most of the things you do after drinking it probably are.

7.   On this date in history:  May 25, 1922 – Babe Ruth is suspended for one day and fined $200 for throwing dirt on an umpire.  ***  That’s what happens when you throw dirt—if you’re a baseball player, you get fined; if you’re a politician, you get elected.

8.   On this date in history:  May 24, 1954 – IBM announces development of an "electronic brain” that could perform 10 million mathematical operations per hour.  ***  However, they didn’t actually say if the answers were correct.

9.   On this date in history:  May 23, 1903 – The first automobile trip across the U.S. from San Francisco to New York begins, and will take 8 days.  ***   To put it another way, that’s over 200 are-we-there-yets.

10.  On this date in history:  May 22, 1954 – Robert Zimmerman (a.k.a. Bob Dylan) has his Bar Mitzvah.  ***   It went very well--his English was so garbled everyone assumed he was speaking a rare form of Hebrew.