1. A culture expert says that North Koreans photographed around their leader, Kim Jong Un, are often crying because of the “cult of personality.” *** In democracies, on the other hand, it’s usually because they realize they voted for the wrong guy.
2. Chinese scientists announced they have cloned two monkeys using the same method that was developed in 1996 to create Dolly the sheep. *** They say the new monkeys are energetic and alert, and can already say “ba-a-a-a-a-a.”
3. A Florida man was charged with DUI after he tried to order a burrito at the drive-thru window at a bank. *** By the time police arrived, he was at the ATM machine trying to get a coke.
4. The person in Hawaii who set off a nuclear attack warning by pushing the wrong button has been re-assigned. *** Actually, management should have been concerned after all those times he complained about the elevator stopping at the wrong floor.
5. Researchers at Baylor University say that writing a “to-do” list at bedtime can help you fall asleep more quickly. *** On the negative side, most of your dreams will involve things like grocery shopping, paying bills and mowing the lawn.
6. On this date in history: Jan 26, 1784 – Benjamin Franklin expresses unhappiness over the selection of the eagle as America's symbol and says he would have chosen the turkey. *** So, if Mr. Franklin had his way, at Thanksgiving we’d all be eating eagles.
7. On this date in history: Jan 25, 1939 – The nuclear age begins with the first nuclear fission experiment in the basement of Columbia University’s Pupin Hall by a group that includes Enrico Fermi. *** On the negative side, they missed a great kegger at the Alpha Beta fraternity.
8. On this date in history: Jan 24, 1983 – Hulk Hogan pins the Iron Sheik for the World Wrestling Federation title. *** Actually, Mr. Sheik would have been prepared for that trick move if he had watched Mr. Hogan’s sex video.
9. On this date in history: Jan 23, 1913 – A group known as the “Young Turks” carries out a coup d'etat against the Turkish government. *** They were so young they had to schedule the coup between recess and nap time.
10. On this date in history: Jan 22, 2002 – Kmart Corporation becomes the largest retailer in United States history to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. *** The hearing was held at a courtroom marked by a flashing blue light.