1. Charles Lazarus, the founder of Toys R Us, has died at the age of 94. *** Just before passing, Mr. Lazarus put on a T-shirt that said, “He who dies with the most toys wins” and declared victory.
2. Queen Elizabeth is hiring a new royal chef. *** She’s looking for someone who is experienced, creative and specializes in cooking with fiber.
3. The Mormon Church has announced that it is severing all ties with the Boy Scouts because it disagrees several new policies, such as the admission of gay scout leaders. *** Also, the church never forgave the Scouts for dropping the polygamy merit badge.
4. In Alabama, a 13 year old accident victim suddenly awoke from a two-month coma right after his parents signed documents allowing his organs to be donated. *** Now, parents everywhere are rejoicing because someone finally found a way to get a teenager’s attention.
5. Pediatrician Eboni Hollier has identified several signs that your child may be a genius. *** However, she points out that if people often tell your kid, “Way to go, genius,” they’re probably not.
6. On this date in history: May 11, 1959 – "Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb," sung by Edd “Kookie” Byrnes and Connie Stevens, hits #4 on the charts. *** I believe it was later performed by Mr. Byrnes’ new group, “Eddie & the Lice.”
7. On this date in history: May 10, 1869 – The Transcontinental Railroad is completed when the “Golden Spike” is driven at Promontory Point, Utah. *** Hmmm…“Transcontinental,” ”Golden Spike” and “Promontory Point.” Before the marketing department got involved it was “cross-country,” “big nail” and “middle of nowhere.”
8. On this date in history: May 9, 1671 – Colonel Thomas Blood attempts to steal the Crown Jewels. *** Unfortunately, he didn’t understand the difference between “Crown Jewels” and “Family Jewels.”
9. On this date in history: May 8, 1980 – The World Health Organization announces that smallpox has been eradicated. *** However, mediumpox and largepox are still a threat.
10. On this date in history: May 7, 1966 – The Mamas & Papas’ "Monday Monday" hits #1 on the charts. *** However, they were not nearly as successful with their next song, “Tuesday, Tuesday.”