News for Week Ending Friday, Jul 27, 2018

1.   A company in Missouri is marketing “Redneck Sandals,” which have a lower portion like a typical sandal, but an upper portion like a cowboy boot.   ***    Of course, they’re not practical for horseback riding because it’s hard to get on a horse that’s doubled over with laughter.

2.   Stormy Daniels’ husband, fellow porn star Glendon Crain, has filed for divorce and asked the judge to issue a restraining order.   ***   That’s so sad. I’m sure they both remember happier times when they’d grab some handcuffs and restrain each other voluntarily.

3.   Lamborghini has recalled its Aventador SV models after reports that under certain conditions the wheels could come off.  ***  For example, if you parked it overnight in Detroit.

4.   A woman who had been sunbathing on a Maryland beach is recovering after being impaled by a wind-blown beach umbrella.  ***  Boy, talk about “throwing shade” at someone…

5.   In Austin, Texas, a fire broke out at a food factory because of spontaneous combustion of recently baked tortilla chips.  ***   Firefighters were finally able to control the blaze after calling in a pumper truck filled with salsa.

6.   On this date in history:  Jul 27, 1866 –  The 1,686 mile long Atlantic telegraph cable is successfully laid for communications between the U.S. and Europe.  ***  Messages could be sent by tugging on either end.

7.   On this date in history:  Jul 26, 1908 – Attorney General Charles J. Bonaparte issues a written order that establishes the FBI and calls for a force of “special agents.”   ***   The directive also said they would carry special guns, drive special cars and work in special offices.   

8.   On this date in history:  Jul 25, 1983 – The first nonhuman primate, a baboon, is conceived in a lab dish.   ***   Of course, to hold the mommy and daddy it had to be a really big lab dish.

9.   On this date in history:  July 24, 1925 – Tennessee high school instructor John Scopes is found guilty and fined $100 for teaching evolution.   ***   And a Mr. Cliff was fined $25 for publishing a short summary.

10.  On this date in history:  Jul 23, 1931 – France announces it cannot afford to send a team to the 1932 Los Angeles Olympics.   ***  They could fund the travel, food and lodging, but not the must-have Dior travel outfits, Vuarnet sunglasses and Louis Vuitton luggage.