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1. In the flurry of letter bombs recently sent out, one of
them had been mis-addressed and was returned to sender. *** Police
suddenly remembered a similar scenario many years ago and have put out an APB
for a Wile E. Coyote.
2. Dorcas Reilly, the woman who invented the green bean
casserole while working at Campbell Soup, has died at the age of 92. *** Funeral
services will be held this Saturday, followed by a luncheon. In lieu of
casserole dishes, the family is requesting flowers.
3. Using computer graphics software, researchers in England
have been able to create an image of “the world’s sexiest man.” *** Actually,
it was easy—they just took a picture of a random guy and then Photoshopped him
holding the winning $1.6 billion lottery ticket.
4. For six years Wikileaks’ Julian Assange has been
sheltered in Ecuador’s embassy in London, but now he is suing his hosts because
they are making him personally take care of his cat and jamming his access to
the Internet. *** I can certainly understand Mr. Assange’s
outrage—there’s nothing worse than having a cat and not being able to post
videos on Facebook.
5. Today
President Trump will attend a Houston rally to praise Ted Cruz, but some people
are accusing him of hypocrisy because during the presidential campaign he referred
to Mr. Cruz as “Lyin’ Ted.”
*** Duh, it was a compliment.
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