Friday, May 22, 2020

News Humor for Week Ending Friday, May 22, 2020


1.   The FDA has warned the public not to mistake the type of chloroquine used to clean fish tanks as a possible Covid-19 treatment.  ***   And no, that little thing blowing bubbles at the bottom of the tank cannot be used as a ventilator.

2.   I bought a new Honda lawnmower back in 2003, and now, in spite of all the wear and tear, I’m still using that same trusty machine to mow the lawn.   ***  My doctor can’t believe it.

3.   Burger King is airing an ad which announces its new delivery service, encourages compliance with “stay-at-home” directives, and coins the phrase “couch potatriate,” all in a nod to Winston Churchill’s memorable WWII statement to people on the home front,  “They also serve who only stand and wait.”  *** I believe the Burger King version is “They also serve who only sit and gain weight.”

4.   Trucking company owner Maurice “Mo” Fayne, who appears on the reality show “Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta,” has been arrested for using his $1.5 million small business loan to buy a Rolls-Royce, jewelry and other luxuries.  ***   Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin said that was an egregious misuse of funds from the Payroll Protection Program, and Mr. Fayne should have paid for all those personal items with his $1,200 stimulus check.

5.   The Detroit Institute of Arts is closed due to COVID concerns, but its museum shop is still selling items online and has added a line of facemasks with images of famous works of art.  ***   My wife selected Claude Monet’s “Rounded Flower Bed,” and now she can literally put her Monet where her mouth is.

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