1. Amusement parks in Japan are re-opening this week, but to
minimize the spread of coronavirus roller coaster riders will be asked to
refrain from shouting or screaming. *** To
enforce this policy, the scariest rides will have one seat occupied by a former
librarian.
2. In his Memorial Day speech, President Trump gave tribute to the
courage and sacrifice of American servicemen, saying, “They climbed atop enemy
tanks, jumped out of burning airplanes, and leaped on live grenades.” *** Previous day, White House speech writer: “OK,
I need three combat actions that would not be possible for someone with bone
spurs.”
3. Hertz declared bankruptcy
last week, but intends to stay in business. *** To regain a firm financial footing, the
company is laying off 16,000 employees, cutting operational costs in numerous
other areas, and, for the first time ever, corporate executives will join front
line workers in looking for loose change between the seat cushions.
4. Parts of Australia are being hit by the worst storm in ten
years, although weather forecasters are not expecting it to reach Category 5. *** Those Aussies are tough, practical people—they
rate storms by how many shrimps are blown off the barbie.
5. Convicted lawyer Michael Cohen’s release from the federal
prison in Otisville last week has raised a storm of controversy. *** In fact, back when the possibility of his
release was just a rumor, the prison warden received dozens of frantic calls
asking for confirmation: “Say, I hear you might have a single room available?”
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