2014-02-14
1.
Federal authorities
have launched a criminal investigation into the North Carolina coal ash spill. They say the incident created enough toxic
sludge to fill 73 Olympic sized swimming pools. ***
And in another Olympic analogy, they said the sludge was almost as bad
as the tap water in Sochi.
2.
Archaeologists from
Tel Aviv University have found evidence that camels were not domesticated until
the 10th century B.C., indicating that early parts of the Old
Testament were not written by first-hand eyewitnesses. *** They
also say that God did NOT create the camel on the third day of the Creation as
some sort of “hump day” joke.
3.
A Rutgers professor was
suspended after telling students he was not qualified to teach the class he was
assigned. *** I
guess he should learn to hide his feelings of incompetency…like Joe Biden.
4.
The Cuban government
issued official photographs of Fidel Castro meeting with the president of
Argentina, but they had been altered to eliminate Castro’s hearing aid. *** They
don’t want citizens to get the mistaken impression that the government actually
listens.
5.
Penguins at the
Scarborough Sea Life Sanctuary in England are being given anti-depressant pills
to help them make it through this year’s miserable winter weather. *** I
believe those are the same pills being given to Prince Charles to help him make
it through his marriage to Camilla.
6.
Toyota is recalling
1.9 million Prius’s because of a condition that can cause them to suddenly slow
down. *** I
believe that condition is called “a hill.”
7.
Athletes at the
Olympics have been told they cannot have helmet decals or armbands that
commemorate fellow athletes who have died.
*** However, they are allowed to
display names of competitors who they wish were dead.
8.
There have been a lot
of surprises in the Olympics so far.
*** For example, Ukraine took a
gold medal in “solo hijacking.”
9.
The Sochi Winter
Olympics opening ceremony was especially exciting with all the pyrotechnics. ***
Every third firework was actually the launch of a short-range ballistic
missile.
10. Last Friday a man was arrested after trying to climb over
the White House fence. *** It was Joe Biden, trying to get out.
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