1. A new anti-depressant has been found to suppress levels of a protein associated with Alzheimer’s. *** It might not help you remember things, but it will make you happy that you forgot.
2. After Casey Kasem’s wife said she took the former disc jockey out of the country for medical care, a judge demanded that she disclose his whereabouts. *** Or at least the Top 40 possible locations.
3. Former “Top 40” DJ Casey Kasem has now been found in Washington State, and there were rumors that he had been on an Indian reservation. *** I believe he was heard on the tribal radio station saying, “And climbing up the charts at number five is the latest rain dance by the Apaches…”
4. According to a recent survey, the country’s rudest drivers are in Houston, Texas, while the friendliest drivers are in Portland, Oregon. *** Like Houston, the drivers in Portland also speed, tailgate, cut others off and slam on their brakes… but they do it with a smile.
5. Justin Bieber is being investigated by Los Angeles police after reports that he grabbed a woman’s cell phone because she took his picture. *** After further investigation, it was found that he took her phone because she didn’t take his picture.
6. Alec Baldwin was arrested in New York City for riding his bike in the wrong direction on a one-way street and for acting in a violent, threatening manner toward police. *** Just goes to show—you should never interrupt people who are on their way to an anger management class.
7. This week headlines in an Iranian newspaper read, “America’s nightmare has become a reality.” The story described how Iran had duplicated an American drone with bombing capability. *** Oh, thank goodness. I was afraid they were going to say the Kardashians had taken over the White House.
8. A study by Stanford University shows that transfusion of blood from younger people can reverse signs of aging in seniors. *** But, there are disturbing side effects, including tattoos, body piercings and excessive use of the word “dude.”
9. The U.S. military plans to destroy $1.2 billion worth of ammunition because, due to weak inventory tracking, they aren’t sure it’s still usable. *** In fact, they have an entire warehouse full of arrows, spears and musket balls.
10. General Motors is recalling 50,000 SUV’s with faulty fuel gages. *** It’s actually a special kind of gage that tells you many more miles you can drive before the next recall.