1. Walmart has announced it will start offering auto insurance. *** Coverage and rates will be competitive with other providers, but to file a claim you have to go to China.
2. Researchers at IBM have developed a new computer named “Debater” that can argue. *** It’s very powerful, but every day they have to convince it to turn on.
3. Today is “National Honesty Day.” *** Actually, it was Monday, but since it’s not today, I can say it is.
4. Al Feldstein, the man who catapulted Mad magazine into an icon of pop culture, has died at the age of 88. *** But Mad magazine is no longer the leader in published cynicism, satire and slapstick. For that, we now have the Congressional Record.
5. In a speech to the National Rifle Association, Sarah Palin said that if she were president she would baptize terrorists by waterboarding them. *** However, she said their godparents could attend and afterwards there would be a nice cake and ice cream reception.
6. More than 100 attendees at a food safety summit in Maryland came down with food poisoning. *** We haven’t seen that kind of irony since 100 women got pregnant at a Planned Parenthood convention.
7. Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda has been suspended for ten games for using a foreign substance to help him grip the ball better. *** Apparently the illegal use of sticky material is fairly common, but you know things are getting out of hand when the umpire has to send a Haz-Mat truck to the mound.
8. After Paul Simon and his wife were each given a misdemeanor summons for domestic violence, they separated by one of them leaving the courtroom first and going to a different location. *** OK, that makes 51 ways.
9. A new machine called the “Pothole Killer” can be operated by one man and can fill a pothole with special patching material in 2 minutes. Doing it the old way, it would take four workers to fill a pothole. *** Or maybe five if they were small and the hole was deep.
10. Because some specialized Lego sets now cost several hundred dollars, an entrepreneur in California has started a Netflix-type business that lets you rent a set. *** And for an extra fee, they’ll also mail you a kid to assemble it.