1. There is growing concern in China after a report that McDonald’s hamburgers were made with expired beef. *** People over there were shocked and said, “Really? They use beef?”
2. In Collinsville, Illinois, a promotional 170-foot tall ketchup bottle is for sale for $200,000. *** Unfortunately, people with that kind of money generally prefer Grey Poupon.
3. Russian legislators are considering funding the annexation of Crimea by almost tripling the income tax for its richest citizens, or about 2% of the population. *** Gee, Russia must be doing well—their “1%” is twice as big as ours.
4. A recent study shows that British soldiers have gotten significantly taller over the past 100 years. *** Which is bad because that makes it harder to duck.
5. Toyota says that in its new minivan there’s a way for parents talk to their young children without turning around. *** Actually, we had that when I was a kid. I believe it’s called “Yelling.”
6. There is growing concern in China after a report that a supplier there sold expired beef to McDonald’s. *** Investigators first became suspicious when McDonald’s changed the name of its iconic hamburger from “Big Mac” to “Old Mac.”
7. With an income of $75 million, Robert Downey Jr. was the top paid actor last year, even though he didn’t do any work, thanks to arrangements for compensation after his movies hit the screen. The second biggest earner was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. *** However, if you just look at top incomes among people who did no work last year, then Congress came in second.
8. The FDA is warning people about the dangers of pure caffeine, pointing out that one teaspoon of the powder is equivalent to 25 cups of coffee. *** Of course, the reason most people don’t take their caffeine in powdered form is that it’s tough to put cute little sayings like “#1 Boss” on the side of a teaspoon.
9. Sandra Bullock will star in “Tupperware Unsealed,” a movie about Brownie Wise, the woman who popularized Tupperware parties. *** Since it’s been four years since Ms. Bullock adopted a baby boy, this will finally give her another opportunity to burp something.
10. Casey Kasem’s body is missing, and there is evidence that his wife stole it from the funeral home to prevent an autopsy. *** That might not be the most gruesome thing I ever heard, but it’s definitely in the Top 40.