1. McDonald’s has submitted paperwork to trademark “McBrunch.” *** The company has already trademarked McMuffin, McChicken and McHeartAttack.
2. Nike is designing an airplane that would help athletes maintain their performance level when flying to “away” games. It includes a massage area, lie-flat seats *** and a special cabin for steroid injections.
3. Detroit is installing upgraded electronic parking meters that have longer lasting batteries, can be paid through a smartphone app *** and give you a refund for the unused time after your car is stolen.
4. Nevada’s governor has declared a state of emergency because of extreme flooding. *** It’s so bad the only people playing the submerged slot machines are seniors with oxygen tanks.
5. A New Jersey newspaper is investigating why that state’s three largest cities are having the biggest increases in crime. *** Because they have the most politicians?
6. Arnold Schwarzenegger is selling his 5-ton Mercedes Unimog for $275,000. *** When someone asked him, “Made in Germany?” he said “No, the maid is still in California.”
7. The Smithsonian is restoring a famous full-length painting of George Washington wearing black velvet. *** These days our heroes are painted ON black velvet.
8. The Colossus roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain in Los Angeles caught on fire. *** Observers reported that it went up in flames…down in flames…up in flames…
9. A hacker recently breached the Obamacare website. *** This is a serious offense, because the program’s Open Hacking period doesn’t start until November 15th.
10. A nine year old pajama-clad Canadian boy in Saskatchewan stole a city bus and drove it for three blocks. *** Police became suspicious when the bus started arriving at stops on schedule.