1. The U.S. government has agreed to pay $554 million to the Navajo nation for mismanaging the tribe’s resources. *** The government had originally argued against the settlement and pointed out that it mismanages everybody’s resources.
2. A Chicago church received $1.6 million from a real estate deal, and decided to give 10% of it to the congregation, which it called a form of “tithing.” *** Cash given to members of a congregation is usually called “hush money.”
3. Justin Bieber is making a film with David Hasselhoff, and Justin will be the voice of KITT, the car from “Knight Rider.” *** This is expected to be the first time that the driver is sober and the car is drunk.
4. Eleven tribes from the U.S. and Canada have signed an agreement that will allow buffalo herds to roam freely across both countries so the Indians can connect with them spiritually, ceremonially and culturally. *** The only thing that would be allowed to interfere with the buffalo would be construction of a casino.
5. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has reportedly lost 85 pounds, largely through the help of last year’s lap-band surgery. *** That’s the medical equivalent of lane closures.
6. General Motors has just announced that the 2015 Cadillacs will be built at the Hamtramck plant, near downtown Detroit. *** Great--Now they can be carjacked right off the assembly line.
7. President Obama created a huge controversy when he was photographed getting off the presidential helicopter and saluting the Marines with a coffee cup in his hand. *** The debate is still raging on: Was the cup half empty or half full?
8. After being severely criticized for allowing a man to scale the fence and run into the White House, the Secret Service has put strict new security procedures in place. *** From now on, anyone planning to break into the White House will be required to register in advance.
9. According to a study by The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Americans’ waistlines are growing at an alarming rate. *** Which is great news for the Belt-of-the-Month Club.
10. In Biloxi, Mississippi, owners of the Margaritaville casino have filed for bankruptcy. *** According to the filing, assets include100 slot machines, numerous gaming tables and two tons of salt.