1. The unique farmhouse featured in the background of the famous painting “American Gothic” is for sale. *** No homebuyers yet, but there have been ten offers on the pitchfork.
2. Officials in Monroe County, Michigan have charged Hayley Turner for filing a false police report when she claimed to have been kidnapped last August on her way home from a video store. *** Police became suspicious when they suddenly realized that nobody goes to a video store anymore.
3. Joe Biden’s trip to Des Moines, Iowa for a Democratic fund raising event has fueled speculation about his political plans for 2016. *** Des Moines city council?
4. According to a survey by Insure.com, drivers in Idaho are the rudest in the nation, but they are also among the safest. *** For example, in driver training they’re taught how to flip the bird while keeping two hands firmly on the wheel.
5. LeBron James has unveiled his new Nike sneaker, the “LeBron 12.” He says that it offers exceptional “stability and comfort.” *** Kind of like a really good NBA contract.
6. Nik Wallenda, the daredevil who walked a tightrope across the Grand Canyon last year, has just announced that in November he will walk a tightrope stretched between two buildings in downtown Chicago. *** Actually, with Chicago’s crime rate, it’s more dangerous to walk from one building to another using the sidewalk.
7. According to a study by InsuranceQuotes.com, Detroit is the most expensive city in which to insure a vehicle. *** On the positive side, the coverage is automatically transferred to whoever steals the car.
8. Former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford has broken up with his Argentine fiancée and former mistress. *** She knew it was over when he really did go hiking on the Appalachian Trail.
9. In Troy, Michigan, a 45 year old man was arrested for flashing drivers on a busy avenue while wearing a hot pink shirt and a purple thong. *** He was charged with displaying an offensive color combination.
10. North Korea charged a 24 year old American with espionage and sentenced him to six years of hard labor. *** The U.S. government has issued a strong protest, saying that since the accused is a Millennial, hard labor is a cruel and unusual punishment.