1. Starbucks officials have apologized to a woman who was told she could not come into the store with her service dog, which she needs because of her bipolar disorder. *** However, Starbucks also said that if she was truly bipolar she would have had two service dogs.
2. This week Dunkin’ Donuts opened its first store in Southern California, and some people waited in line for 24 hours. *** A few were on foot, but most of them were in their patrol cars.
3. This week Dunkin’ Donuts opened its first store in Southern California, and some people waited in line for 24 hours. *** Which is the longest most of them had ever been away from a couch.
4. In Reno, Nevada several young children were slightly injured at a science museum during a demonstration of a tornado. *** Actually, several young children running loose in a museum IS a tornado.
5. Because of international pressure, France has postponed delivery of a new warship to Russia. *** It wouldn’t matter; all French warships only move in reverse.
6. A study published in the journal “Geochemistry, Geophysics, Geosystems” predicted the outcome if the active volcano under Yellowstone Park suddenly erupted. *** The scientists summarized their predictions with an old nursery rhyme: “Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair…”
7. Authorities investigating a threat against President Obama traced some clues to an abandoned VW Jetta. *** The embarrassed suspect had dumped it after his leader phoned him and yelled, “I told you to hijack a JET, you idiot—a JET.”
8. In Ontario, Canada, Justin Bieber was arrested and then released pending a court appearance for running into a minivan with his ATV. *** The court case is “Minivan v. Mini-man.”
9. Gun maker Smith & Wesson has just announced poor earnings for the past fiscal quarter and a weak forecast for the rest of the year. *** To remedy this, they will begin charging customers 10% of all proceeds from robberies successfully committed with a Smith & Wesson firearm.
10. A study by Saint Louis University has shown that regular dancing can help seniors relieve leg pain. *** However, they could face a substantial increase in pain if the person they’re caught dancing with is not their spouse.