1. The IRS says that because of budget constraints taxpayers have the lowest chance of being audited in the past decade. *** In fact, Turbo Tax will now automatically bump up your calculated refund if you just click the “I Feel Lucky” box.
2. Nike is bringing back the “Classic Cortez” running shoe that was worn by Tom Hanks in “Forrest Gump.” *** Each pair comes with a box of chocolates, a ping-pong paddle and a bucket of shrimp.
3. Russia is planning military drills near the border with Latvia and Estonia. *** Soldiers will practice invading those countries and Vladimir Putin will practice denying it.
4. In recent military exercises, the Iranian navy attacked a mock-up of a U.S. aircraft carrier. *** To make the carrier very realistic, they built it with schedule delays, cost over-runs and bribes.
5. According to a study published in the Archives of Diseases in Children, kids should stop taking naps when they reach the age of two. *** I believe the study was conducted by five students in a local kindergarten.
6. The World Wildlife Fund says the Amur leopard is making a comeback, and after analyzing trail camera photos of their unique fur patterns, scientists have concluded there are now at least 60 of the rare leopards. *** Unless they actually can change their spots, in which case there might only be three.
7. The NBC medical drama “The Night Shift” returns for a second season, in which two of the doctors will ramp up their romance *** while valiantly trying to save patients who are only on the Bronze Plan.
8. Two actors in Thailand were sentenced to 2 ½ years in prison for putting on a play that defamed the ruling monarchy. *** Here in the U.S. we have a different way of making the people in power look bad. It’s called the six o’clock news.
9. At the Oscar presentations, John Travolta was criticized for getting a little too touchy-feely with Idina Menzel and Scarlett Johansson. *** After all, this is the Academy Awards, not some sleazy sideshow where you’d expect that sort of thing--like Joe Biden at a White House ceremony.
10. Doctors at the Wexner Medical Center at The Ohio State University say that seniors can prevent falls by taking ten simple steps. *** Actually, they’re safer if they don’t take any steps at all.