1. Because of sluggish revenue growth in stores, Wal-Mart is planning to expand its on-line sales. *** Shoppers can register by going to Walmart.com and posting a selfie with flip-flops and a tank top.
2. Many municipalities are now building special playgrounds with low-impact equipment designed for seniors. *** Behavior is a bit more refined than at school playgrounds: There’s no yelling and screaming, and everyone takes turns being the bully.
3. The motorcycle gang brawl at a restaurant in Waco, Texas that left 9 bikers dead apparently started with an argument over a parking spot. *** You know, if they had just parked in the remote lot and taken the courtesy shuttle bus into town…
4. A man with a beard and wearing a purple dress and carrying a brown purse robbed a Detroit Walgreen’s store at gunpoint this week. *** Of course, witnesses immediately knew the bearded robber was a man…because a woman would never match a brown purse with a purple dress.
5. To make games more exciting, the NFL is moving ball placement for the extra-point kick to the 15 yard line, although there were alternate proposals suggested by some of the teams. *** For example, the New England Patriots wanted an additional point awarded if the kick is made with a deflated football.
6. According to a study by EngageForSuccess.org, people with the most enthusiasm for going to work each day live in Montana, Mississippi and Louisiana. *** And, according to a second study, people with the most unhappy home life live in Montana, Mississippi and Louisiana.
7. Indonesia’s top military commander is defending the practice of checking female applicants to make sure they are virgins, claiming that they make better soldiers. *** And for the elite killer corps, they only accept women in menopause.
8. During his current visit to Australia, Prince Harry was videotaped wrangling a ten-foot long crocodile. *** Wow—we haven’t seen anything like that since his father mud wrestled Camilla.
9. A group of Asian-Americans has filed a federal complaint, claiming that Harvard’s racial quotas are limiting the number of Asian-Americans being admitted. *** A Harvard spokesman denied the allegations, but added that they already have enough Asians to clinch the Ivy League Spelling Bee.
10. Dairy Queen announced that in the interest of health it is removing soft drinks from its kids’ menu. *** However, company officials immediately reversed themselves after realizing that soft drinks are the healthiest thing they sell.