1. A study in Denmark has shown that men who are constantly nagged are more likely to die prematurely. *** Ah, God is merciful.
2. Lindsay Lohan is being sued by her former driver who claims that she owes him $28,000. *** And that was just for trips to the courthouse.
3. Starbucks plans to expand its offerings, including bacon-wrapped dates. *** I can’t believe anyone would want their date wrapped in bacon.
4. According to a survey by Visa, the average amount children get from the “Tooth Fairy” has dropped in each of the past two years. *** Of course, this trend is an opportunity to let kids know the truth: You should always check the fine print to make sure your guaranteed benefits are indexed to the rate of inflation.
5. At the Iowa State Fair a little boy asked Donald Trump if he was Batman. *** Well, that’s Trump’s version of the encounter. Actually, the kid asked him if he’s been living in a cave.
6. Hilary Clinton was doing a little campaigning in Las Vegas. *** It was an appropriate venue for announcing her new campaign slogan: What happens in Benghazi stays in Benghazi.
7. The president of WalMart says that a major reason for the recent drop in profits was increased losses due to theft, but he promised a quick response. *** Unfortunately, it involves 80 year-old greeters with sidearms.
8. Starbucks is making plans to serve alcoholic drinks in the evenings. *** Good luck. It’s hard enough to order a Starbucks beverage when you’re sober.
9. Two Michigan hospitals are taking part in clinical trials of a new device to treat high blood pressure. *** It connects to your TV and blocks out all the political ads.
10. A thief in Westland, Michigan struck a senior living facility for the second time, again stealing several TV’s. *** Boy, is he going to be ticked when he finds out they only show The Weather Channel, Home Shopping Network and re-runs of Matlock.