1. Samples of Japanese whiskey were sent up to the International Space Station to study the aging process. *** “Hooshton, we have a probbum…”
2. A recent study of diversity in films found that only 30% of the characters were women. *** On the other hand, they delivered 90% of the dialog.
3. Selected cases of Angry Orchard hard cider have been recalled. *** They need to re-take the anger management class.
4. Police in Cedar Rapids, Iowa discovered a meth lab in a Taco Bell restaurant. *** The incident has already inspired a new TV series, “Breaking Gas.”
5. Country singer Blake Shelton’s lawyers are suing Torch magazine for reporting that he had an affair with singer Cady Groves. *** The lawyers cited the country music rule of evidence: If it ain’t in a song, it didn’t happen.
6. Facebook co-founder Dustin Moskovitz and his wife are donating $25 million to the people of Africa. *** Wow, for that much they’ll bring the lion to your door.
7. The Princeton Review has issued its annual ranking of party schools, and at the top of the list is the University of Illinois. *** Bottom of the list: The U.S. Navy SEAL School.
8. After the killing of Cecil the lion by a Minnesota dentist, Delta Airlines announced it will no longer transport certain big game trophies. *** And American Airlines announced it will no longer transport dentists.
9. McDonald’s is now test-marketing a “Gourmet Breakfast.” *** It’s an Egg McMuffin, hash browns and a white tablecloth.
10. British environmentalists are complaining that Prince Charles’ trip to see a soccer match required four flights of the royal helicopter. *** Buckingham Palace did point out, however, that when Camilla goes somewhere they just strap her to the royal drone.