News for Week Ending Friday, Aug 28, 2015

1.        In a New York Times interview, TV host Larry King talked about funeral plans, although he previously said he’ll have his body cryogenically frozen in hopes that he could someday be revived.  ***  So, he won’t be permanently dead, but just in a state of “suspendered animation.”

2.        Several senior citizens were arrested for staging a protest by standing in the road and blocking traffic on the “Magnificent Mile” in downtown Chicago.  ***  That’s quite a change in strategy. Usually they block traffic by hopping in a Buick and driving very, very slowly.

3.        The Kraft Heinz Food Company is recalling two million pounds of turkey bacon.  ***   An alert employee suddenly realized that bacon isn’t made from turkey.

4.        A fourth American who helped the other three Americans subdue the attacker on a Paris-bound train has been identified.  *** Investigators also found that there had been several Frenchmen onboard during the incident, but their military training kicked in and they immediately began stitching a white flag.

5.        Ashley Madison subscriber and porno addict Josh Duggar is hiding out in an Arkansas farmhouse with his wife because he wants some peace and quiet…and no Internet.  ***  OK, I was kidding about no Internet.

6.        Monday was National Waffle Day.  ***  In honor of the occasion, all the presidential candidates avoided taking positions on key issues.

7.        A few celebrities have been revealed as subscribers to the Ashley Madison cheating web site.  ***  Of course, they can still use that other cheating site—Hollywood.

8.        Hacked data from the Ashley Madison website shows that West Virginia has the lowest percentage of married people having affairs.  ***  Yes, those West Virginians have high standards and would never cheat on their cousins.

9.        Josh Duggar has retracted his posted confession about being addicted to pornography.  ***  He found out he had just been watching MTV.

10.     Art historians now say that Leonardo da Vinci intentionally painted the Mona Lisa such that she appears happy and cheerful from a distance, but when viewed up close she is melancholy and hostile.  ***  The researchers say they first became aware of this phenomena while watching the audience at a Donald Trump rally.