News for Week Ending Friday, Jan 22, 2016

1.        Wal-Mart is spending over a billion dollars to give full time workers a substantial pay raise.  ***  Company officials knew they had to do something when the greeters started asking customers for handouts.

2.        ISIS announced that because of funding shortfalls all fighters will get a 50% pay cut.  ***  And future martyrs will be greeted by only half as many virgins.

3.        A recent survey shows that 13% of Americans think Judy Sheidlin (“Judge Judy”) serves on the Supreme Court.  ***   That’s dumb. They obviously have her confused with Judge Joe Brown.

4.        Following her substantial weight loss, Mama June—the matriarch of the “Honey Boo Boo” show—is going to appear on a cosmetic reality show to have extra skin surgically removed.   ***   If that’s successful, she’ll have her husband and Honey Boo Boo surgically removed, too.

5.        President Obama said that convincing Iranian officials to release the American hostages was done through “smart diplomacy.”  ***   So, it cost him how many Super Bowl tickets?   

6.        On this date in history: Jan 22, 1951 – Pitcher Fidel Castro is ejected from a winter league baseball game after hitting a batter.  ***  Also, officials didn’t like him smoking a cigar and wearing military fatigues on the mound.

7.        On this date in history: Jan 21, 1994 - Lorena Bobbitt, who severed her husband's uh…member, convinces a jury that she was temporarily insane.  ***  When asked how she pulled that off, she said, “I didn’t—I cut it.”

8.        On this date in history: Jan 20, 1892 – The first basketball game is played in Massachusetts.  ***  Although the game has changed over the past 100-plus years, the key elements remain:  The ball, the hoop and outrageous beer prices.    

9.        On this date in history: Jan 19, 1935 - Coopers Inc. sells the world's first men's briefs in Chicago, calling the style the "Jockey."   ***   Every pair comes with small whip and a large number for your back.

10.     On this date in history: Jan 18, 1733 – A polar bear is exhibited in America for the first time, in Boston.   ***   Prior to that, the “Polar Animals” exhibit at the Boston Zoo involved a lot of white spray paint.