1. As residents prepared for Hurricane Matthew, authorities in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina asked everyone to not call 9-1-1 over gas shortage squabbles and to be patient with one another. *** You know, that’s one sign that the end of civilization is near…when people can’t even be nice to each other in “Mount PLEASANT.”
2. A 30 year old man from Little Rock, Arkansas is claiming to be Bill Clinton’s biological son, saying that Mr. Clinton had a relationship with his mother when she was a prostitute. *** The man hasn’t done a DNA comparison yet, but he has Bill Clinton’s eyes, Bill Clinton’s nose and a strong desire to have sex with every woman he meets.
3. As Hurricane Matthew approaches, thousands of East Coast residents are heading to higher ground. *** Well, that’s one way to avoid politicians.
4. The robbers who broke into Kim Kardashian’s hotel room gagged her and tied her to a chair. *** Actually, if they had studied pictures of her they would have brought a lot more rope.
5. LeBron James has endorsed Hillary Clinton and says she is the only candidate who can understand the struggles of an Akron child born into poverty. *** Actually, Donald Trump also understands poverty, but he defines it as a family with a small mansion, only one summer home, and no chauffeur.
6. On this date in history: Oct 7, 1960 – "Route 66" premieres. *** It’s the story of two young men in a Corvette who wander up and down the same highway for years rather than ask for directions.
7. On this date in history: Oct 6, 1884 – The Naval War College is established in Newport, Rhode Island. *** It was just down the road from the Naval War High School.
8. On this date in history: Oct 5, 1892 – Members of the Dalton Gang are killed in a shoot-out at a Coffeyville, Kansas bank. *** And that was the last time that anyone ever challenged the overdraft fees.
9. On this date in history: Oct 4, 1883 – The Orient Express makes its first run, linking Turkey to Europe. *** The train featured a comfortable ride, good food and an occasional murder.
10. On this date in history: Oct 3, 1955 – "Captain Kangaroo" premieres. *** Little kids watching the show for the first time were disappointed to find out that he can’t even hop.