News for Week Ending Friday, Apr 21, 2017

1.   A study in the journal “Immunity” indicates that chemicals found in frogs can prevent humans from getting the flu.  ***  So, you can avoid all those nasty flu symptoms, but you’ll tend to hop around a lot and eat flies.

2.   According to a recent study, diet sodas can increase the risk of dementia.  ***   They’re like a miracle drink--not only do they help you get skinny, but they’ll also make you forget that you were ever fat.

3.   Amid increasing threats from North Korea, Vice President Mike Pence visited Tokyo and assured the Japanese people, “We are with you 100%.”    ***   “Or at least 70 to 80% if it’s a long holiday weekend at Mar-a-Lago.”

4.   In her upcoming memoirs, Caitlyn Jenner discloses that she has undergone gender re-assignment surgery.   ***  The former decathlon athlete doesn’t give complete details but says she can now clear 6 more inches in the pole vault.

5.   North Korea’s “Day of the Sun” parade this past weekend included an impressive display of ICBM missiles with an obvious intent to intimidate the U.S.  ***   That’s OK—In our next Fourth of July parade they’ll see that we’re fully prepared to respond to any military threat with a vast army of Shriners driving miniature cars.

6.   On this date in history:  April 21, 1913 – Gideon Sundback of Sweden patents the zipper to replace buttons.  ***  He invented it out of desperation while suffering from a weak bladder. 

7.   On this date in history:  April 20, 1944 – The NFL legalizes coaching from the bench.   ***  However, the league continued to ban Monday morning quarterbacking.

8.   On this date in history:  April 19, 1775 – The Revolutionary War begins in Lexington Common with the “shot heard round the world."  ***  According to news reports at the time, authorities didn’t know who started the fight but are looking for “a guy with a really loud gun.”

9.   On this date in history:  Apr 18, 1994 – Roseanne Barr files for divorce from Tom Arnold.  ***  Apparently, Mr. Arnold failed his Barr exam.

10.  On this date in history:  April 17, 1937 – Cartoon characters Daffy Duck, Elmer J Fudd and Petunia Pig make their debut.  ***   They were the strangest characters ever introduced to the public in a non-election year.