1. New York’s Eleven Madison Park has just been selected as the best restaurant in the world; its signature dish is “celery root cooked in pig bladder.” *** You don’t eat it—you just order it when you want to cast an evil spell on someone.
2. Pope Francis said that when the people of Chicago fight violence with a “Walk for Peace” on Good Friday his thoughts and prayers will be with them, but he’ll be making his own “Way of the Cross” that day in Rome, *** where it’s safer.
3. Mercedes-Benz pulled its ads from Fox News after revelations that claims of Bill O’Reilly sexual harassment resulted in multi-million dollar payouts. *** The auto company said it felt betrayed and believes that settlements of that sort should always include a Mercedes.
4. Saudi Arabia is now hosting an extravagant beauty pageant for camels, with millions of dollars in prize money. *** The competition is fierce--already several contestants have been disqualified for having padded humps.
5. Crayola announced that its “Dandelion” crayon color will be replaced by “something from the blue family,” and the public is being asked to name the new color. *** So far, the only suggestions have been “Whatever,” “Yeah Sure” and “Who Cares.”
6. On this date in history: Apr 7, 1954 – President Dwight Eisenhower fears a "domino-effect" among the countries in Indo-China. *** He was concerned that if one country started playing dominos they’d all start playing dominos.
7. On this date in history: Apr 6, 1992 – Public voting begins to select the Elvis postage stamp. *** It was the only stamp ever printed on black velvet.
8. On this date in history: Apr 5, 1887 – Anne Sullivan teaches "water" to Helen Keller. *** Fortunately, Miss Keller did not live in Flint.
9. On this date in history: Apr 4, 1972 – Operations begin at the first electric power plant fueled by garbage. *** The electricity was cheap, but whenever anyone turned on a light the smell was unbearable.
10. On this date in history: Apr 3, 1043 – “Edward the Confessor” is crowned king of England *** In his coronation speech he spent two hours admitting to all the things he had done wrong.