News for Week Ending Friday, Jun 29, 2018

1.   In Kentucky, hundreds of fish died after a warehouse collapsed and bourbon spilled into a nearby waterway.   ***  The fish were initially ecstatic and took comfort in their old fish adage, “You can’t put bourbon on a hook.”

2.   A recall notice has just been issued for the 2009-2013 Ferrari California because of an airbag safety issue.  ***  If the airbag deploys, it can get tangled up in the driver’s gold chains.

3.   Homeland Security agents raided Super China Buffet restaurants in two Detroit suburbs in a search for criminal activity.   ***   Authorities became suspicious when they noticed the fortune cookies predicted much future happiness and gave the phone number of an escort service.

4.   The Secret Service will reportedly begin providing protection for press secretary Sarah Sanders.   ***   They’ll be carrying tactical weapons and defensive armament…and an emergency supply of food for when she gets kicked out of restaurants.

5.   Tournament golfer John Daly got upset and dropped out because he wasn’t allowed to use a golf cart during the Senior Open.  ***    Apparently he just wasn’t satisfied with the complimentary tournament gift bag:  Orthopedic shoes, a walker and a free bottle of Advil.  

6.   On this date in history:  Jun 29, 1989 – Susan Lucci loses the Daytime Emmy for the 10th straight year.   ***   However, the actress was given the award for “Best Impersonation of a Graceful Loser.”

7.   On this date in history:  Jun 28, 1928 – Friedrich Schmiedl attempts rocket mail in Austria, but is unsuccessful.  ***  Actually, the results were mixed – the rocket delivered the mail, but killed the recipient.

8.   On this date in history:  Jun 27, 1955 – Illinois enacts the first automobile seat belt legislation.   ***   In the interest of consumer well-being, the law required that all seat belt buckles be comfortable to sit on.

9.   On this date in history:  Jun 26, 1870 – In New Jersey, the first section of the Atlantic City Boardwalk opens.   ***  The first aid station was busy all day treating everyone for splinters.

10.  On this date in history:  Jun 25, 1630 – Massachusetts Governor John Winthrop introduces the fork into American dining.   ***   It was a last minute replacement after the dish ran away with the spoon.