Friday, April 24, 2020

News Humor for Week Ending Friday, Apr 24, 2020


1.   State and federal health officials are scrambling to provide guidance on all the methods people are trying for cleaning their face masks, from washing machines (recommended) to boiling water to microwave ovens (not recommended).  ***   And regardless of the method used, they recommiend taking off the mask first.

2.   Virus experts say that even after the “Stay home” restrictions are lifted, life just won’t be the same.   ***    In fact, at the self-checkout lane at the store yesterday, the guy in front of me grabbed the hand-held barcode reader and tried to take a temperature scan of his forehead.

3.   Today is the 50th anniversary of the very first Earth Day, and it is still inspiring major commitments to protect the environment.  For example, for every bag of coffee you buy, Starbucks will plant one new coffee tree.  ***  Then, after the tree has grown a bit, the baristas carve your name on it, and when the tree’s beans are ready for harvesting they shout it out.

4.   Scientists in the UK say “medical detection dogs” might be able to detect coronavirus in humans, and in one hour a single dog could sniff up to 750 people.   ***   However, those people would have to get down on all fours.

5.   A kayaker stranded on a remote island off the shore of New York City for 12 hours was rescued by an NYPD helicopter crew that saw his “HELP” sign on the beach.  ***  The rescuers apologized for not responding sooner, but said they have limited resources and needed to give a higher priority to “HELP” signs that had an exclamation point at the end.

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