1. Because of Ebola virus fears, an NBC survey says that 58% of Americans want to halt all flights from West African countries. *** The other 42% are still expecting gold bars from Nigeria.
2. A US Airways flight departing Austin, Texas was delayed for two hours because of a swarm of bees in the boarding jetway. *** An airline spokesman said this was quite unusual, and normally passengers are just stung by the high air fares.
3. Although 94% of cars sold in the U.S. are automatics, there are signs that manual transmissions might be making a small comeback. *** However, driver training is a little more difficult because you have to learn to text left-handed and steer with your knees.
4. Wal-Mart is now selling health insurance. *** Wouldn’t it be better if they just made their stores a little more sanitary?
5. Descendants of the woman whose image was used as “Aunt Jemima” by Quaker Oats are suing the company for $2 billion in unpaid royalties. *** They are also preparing a second lawsuit for royalties due to Jemima’s husband, Uncle Ben.
6. The Seattle city council is honoring Indians by replacing Columbus Day with Indigenous Peoples’ Day. *** Now, don’t confuse that with Los Angeles, which is replacing Columbus Day with Ingenuous Peoples’ Day.
7. General Motors is recalling nearly 100,000 Chevrolet Sparks because the hood can fly open while driving. *** A company spokesman said the malfunction is extremely serious and could result in a severe reduction in fuel economy.
8. A company called Silentium is developing a noise cancellation device for airplane seats that will eliminate the sounds of crying babies, noisy passengers and chatty flight attendants. *** It’s more convenient than waiting for your Taser to recharge.
9. A 19 year old teen who wanted to join ISIS was arrested at O’Hare airport as he attempted to board a plane headed for the Middle East. *** Just one more guy who fell for that old trick where the gate attendant announces priority boarding for terrorists.
10. Hwang Pyong So, the top political officer in North Korea, recently traveled to South Korea for talks. *** He said he enjoyed visiting so many beautiful targets…uh, cities.